Some pictures of our everyday life!

In addition to being a medical/mobility service dog, Ranger is also a Psy SD.  I'm never embarrassed about my psychiatric disabilities and I'm *proud* of how well Ranger does his job to help me get out and live a "normal" life.  Having the harness from Bold Lead Service Dog equipment (Katrina Boldry) has taken us to the next level.

This tree was given to us as a memorial tree in rememberence of my dad.  Its a redbud tree, but this particular kind has great purple blooms in the early spring.  We decided to put a brick border around it and to plant some hostas and Lily of the Valley in there - maybe some creeping myrtle.  This was Ranger's first day with the harness.  We went down to Home Depot and got the bricks for the tree and then he sat with me, helping me up/down the curb as needed, while I  placed the first few bricks to get the circle the right diameter and looking "just right."

Yes, he thinks I'm insane when I start taking pictures of him!  There's so much that I am able to do because I have him with me.  My anxiety about someone coming up on me without me knowing is mostly gone when I have him with me.  I can get outside and do things like this and know that he'll let me know if/when someone is approaching, even if I don't see it.   I can make it up and down the curb (which is a BIG curb!) and the front porch with his help - especially difficult without him since there's no handrail there yet!  My feelings of isolation and loneliness are so much less intense most of the time.  He makes me *have* to get out of the house, if for no other reason than he needs to get out of the house.

For years, people kept trying to give me drugs to help battle these things - anxiety, ADD, bipolar, fibromyalgia, and the 'yet-to-be-determined' neurologic condition which encompasses *so* many symptoms -  migraines, vertigo and balance issues, gait instability, dead/numb legs, arms and hands; loss of grip in the right hand, excrutiating back and hip pain to an almost paralyzing degree.  Medication *does* help some of these things.  Some medications helped more than others but left me feeling foggy, disoriented, sleepy, and miserable.  They also couldn't help me up off the floor when my legs won't move, anticipate when I'm overtired or the medication has kicked in and is making me disoriented, help me walk when my back and hip hurt, or brace me when I get hit with a vertigo attack.  ---  *my* miracle 'drug' is Ranger.  In my early-30s, the idea of having to use a cane already was heartbreaking and mentally debilitating.  Having to use a service dog, empowering.

Life with a service dog in (and out) of the house is not easy.  I have never understood why people who *dont* need service dogs would lie just to *choose* to say their dog is a service dog and have them out and about in places they shouldn't be.  A true service dog team travels with the doggy equivalent of a 'diaper bag.' We're ready with emergency supplies, collapsible bowls, our gear... anything we need to make ourselves least intrusive to others.  Your dog has to eliminate on command so you know they empty themselves before going into someplace (like a restaurant or mall or movie theater!) -- It can not beg or be fed people food.  In fact, Ranger is not allowed to eat food off the floor period, unless he's given a command.  It can not sniff passersby or act out.   You must pre-plan feeding and elimination schedules so they coincide with whatever you're doing and make sure your dog is acclimated to eliminating in all sorts of conditions - even on asphalt or concrete!  You must be aware, at all times, of what your dog is doing.  Are they in the way?  Do they need to be moved in front of you or behind you or under a table or closer... or... --- In the beginning it takes a lot of thought and planning and patience.  As you get used to it, it becomes second nature.  His bag is, for the most part, pre-packed for day trips in the car.  Anything less than that and its even more bare bones than that! Leash, harness, carseat cover (and collapsible bowl for water in the summer time of course!)

Ranger has been the biggest blessing in my life.  I've learned so much from him and through this journey with him.  Would I ever have another service dog - *absolutely!* --  Would I choose to train my own again - probably.  While I *hate* the puppy stage, I like that we got to bond together from day one.  The separation anxiety he has is with *me* specifically - we have a great bond and work well together as a team.  I think getting an older dog or a program dog would have been easier in that their tasks would have already been trained, but harder in that I wouldn't be able to pick out my own breed *and* that bond that's so solid with Ranger would've taken longer and more work to develop because the dogs would have gotten used to bonding and losing many times before they got to me.  I love that Ranger trusts me - and knows that *I* am his mate - the one who is there with him and loves him.  He doesnt have to worry about losing me and moving on to someone else.

Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

Travel and the anxious agorophobic service dog handler!

Oh me-oh, oh my-oh.... what do you get when you mix a weekend trip with an agorophobic service dog handler, a flight to a new place, and oh yes, the no-confidence dog?!  --- I do NOT want to find out.

The last time I flew anywhere was back in 2002.   Truth is, I don't hate flying; I loathe leaving the house.  I despise traveling.   I really do.  If you offered me a vacation to Europe... before Ranger, I couldn't do it.  *With* Ranger, when he was confident and truly sure of himself, I'd have been leery, but I would've probably been ok.  *NOW*???  I have no idea what the hell I was thinking saying 'yes' to a weekend trip away!  Even the thought of taking a weekend car-trip some place has me on edge, and not just because it would be with my mother/brother!!

Ok... I can hear the other PSD trainer/handlers out there saying 'breathe... just breathe... you can do this...'  I'm breathing... believe me...  I'm breathing.   I still find myself anxious and absolutely petrified every day as it approaches.

Today, for example, I made up my 'lists' -  the 'pack for Ranger;' 'pack for myself;' and 'things to do before I leave' lists.  (Yes, they really *were* in that order!)  Thank goodness service dogs get their own bag because traveling with a 60-pound dog on a flight, even for a weekend... ugh!  His 'place' mat, his seat cover, his bowls, his wubba, his kongs, stuffing for the kongs and training treats, poop bags, his shampoo/brush/towels/etc (just in case!), harness, bedcover...

Of course I'm also realizing all the things I *dont* have for trips with him because we never *take* them.  When he was a puppy, about 8 months old, we stayed with my sister and brother-in-law and their family for a couple of weeks along with my other dog at the time, Jasmine.  That was easy enough to do because they could (and did) both sleep well in the same crate and it was a much smaller and easier to transport crate and we drove.  This time I need a collapsible crate that can fold flat to travel, lightweight and will fit a 26", 60 pound dog!  

I also have to have food shipped directly there as I dont know the local pet supply places in the area (carrying food on the plane is not only a hassle but adds extra weight to the bags!).   Vet visit to get health certificate - not huge because we had to go get his annual done anyway.  Make up his ID card and get him a new dog-tag with the appropriate info on it.  Outings to busy places for socialization and confidence building.  "Foundation" reinforcements.  His list is HUGE!

Of course, in the midst of all this, we'll also be doing the Douglas County Relay for Life!  Which means I've got TWO weeks to do some seriously intensive work on him to help him build his confidence (Again, someone please tell me what the hell was I thinking when I agreed to this trip 2 weeks after RfL?!)

My anxiety attacks have been numerous and sometimes downright debilitating in the last week since I agreed to this trip.  Its not that I dont *want* to go.  I do.  I really want to get to see my friend and her family and spend a few days with them.  The sheer thought of getting on a plane, however, is sincerely overwhelming when the biggest 'outings' I go on are to places like the food pantry, home depot, walmart, a mall (which is just a collection of shops when you live in 'middle-of-nowhere' land!) and other small, quiet, relatively people-free places.  We're going to be in at least 2 major airports (that's assuming there's no layover or plane changes!), meeting new people (my friend and her family), probably a hotel stay and who knows what else might come up.  All wonderful training possibilities - all things that have me on the verge of a meltdown when I think about them!  

My friend also has kids and none of them have ever been 24/7 with an SD team, so I'm worried about how that transition is going to go.  Of course she's completely supportive of Ranger and what he does for me - and she's already made a point of saying she's going to talk with her little-little ones to tell them about him and how important he is when he's working.  And, of course, he'll have plenty of time to play, which I'm sure they'll all love, but its still really different.  Living with an SD versus living with a pet dog - LOL, living with one of EACH even, very very different.  I have my 'life with an SD' handout that I plan to send to her - but we're so 'modified' from that too.  Most of the time Ranger is just a chilled out dog unless I'm getting up to do something, and then he needs to be 'on' - but he runs and plays outside and will love doing that with the kids if they want to.  Its just the 'you cant distract him or pet him when he's working because he has a big job to do' part that's *so* hard for people in general.  Of course there's also the 'quirks' that go along with *my* dog.  His socialization has slipped, so he isnt real thrilled to meet new people.  His water has to be rationed through the day or he gets sick.  Changes to his diet (food or treats) are really hard on his system and, again, he gets sick.   He's often like a toddler - he needs his "security blankets" - his wubba and his mat - and they must be *by me!*  

I love my friend to death.  She never batted an eye - not once - at me having to bring Ranger with me.  She's already said - let me know what you need on this end and we'll see if we can get it here before you get here.   I am blessed.   I just *really* want this trip to be positive and successful and uncomplicated as possible.   I want my time with her and her family to be relaxing and safe - and *not* to have Ranger and I both on edge the whole time.   As much as I'm trying not to be sick at the idea of making the trip - I'm also afraid 3 or 4 days is not going to be enough time for us to settle in and relax before we have to turn around and make the trip home again!

Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

A High School Graduation - with a Service Dog twist!

Life with Ranger is rarely dull!   Last night we attended the Class of 2011 AHS Graduation with mom and my brother.  It was a huge event for a number of reasons.  The graduates were kids I'd known *almost* since they were born.  That's really big stuff!  But, for Ranger and I, there were other reasons.

First, it was the first time he'd attended a graduation ceremony.  This in and of itself was big.  It was also the first time he'd attended a gathering of that many people for at least the last 6 months - but most definitely especially since we'd started back training again.  We also sat *right* behind the percussion section of the band.  While he's no stranger to high school band concerts - he's *not* used to being so close!   Unfortunately, due to late arrival, this couldn't be helped and we just did the best we could with what we had to work with.  After his first startle-fear response to the loud percussion/band's sudden start, I knew to move him out of the situation for the recessional!

The other *really* big marker for last night was it was the first time he was in public in his new harness!   Thanks to a lot of generous sponsors, we were not only able to get our harness, but Katrina Boldry had it finished and arriving *on* the day of graduation!!  When I went to the post office and saw the box with her address, I was crying.   I had been in so much physical pain for the prior few days that I had no clue how I'd be able to manage the graduation ceremony without the harness - and there it was!

Ranger *loves* his harness.  He will lay down and nap on his mat with it on!  He doesn't hesitate at all for me to put it on him and he's learning to adjust his walking pace and place to where he needs to be for me to hold on to his harness handle.   It was *super* easy to fit and adjust and is a *snap* to put on and take off.  I *love* the fold down handle (especially for laying down napping next to me during the day or in the car!)

We have lots of work to do to re-build his self-confidence.  Taking a training hiatus was a horrible thing for us, even though it was absolutely necessary and unavoidable.  He gets jumpy and skittish around new people, especially when we're out and especially in new settings.  That's not good.  He's hyper-alert, turning around to see behind him/I or paying attention to everything *but* me.  Again, *not* good.   So, we're going back to positive reinforcement training and lots of confidence building games and outings as much as possible.  

I remember a friend who had a Beauceron who, at about Ranger's age, showed the same signs of discontent.  I remember all too well that it was from them taking a 'training hiatus' too and that it took her moving him all the way back to tethering and 'NILF' and train him back up again with old tasks, and some new ones too!  He's now twice Ranger's age and is doing *great*, loves working, and is focused *on her*.   So, there's hope for us.

Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

Steps forward and looking back...

Ranger is coming up on his 3-year birthday.  Its so *strange* to say that.  I can hardly believe it.   I remember celebrating his first birthday with his 'Its my Pawty' shirt and pictures of him and Jasmine together.  Last year was so hectic and crazy with dad being sick, I'm not even sure I got a picture of him *on* his birthday.  I did, however, take measurements last year - Turns out, he hasnt grown much (at all) in the last year!
                    July 30, 2010                 May 15, 2011
Height                25.5"                             25.5"
Girth                  27.0"                             28.0"
Weight               57 pounds                     62 pounds

So I think we can safely assume he's hit his max height - still has to fill out - but mostly he's done 'growing' on me.  I think its almost bittersweet. 

Of course - he's still *puppy* in every other way!

Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

Thank you - Operation Mobility Harness Supporters

To my Operation Mobility Harness Supporters, Ranger and I want to thank you so very much for each and every dollar contributed. It has meant the world to us and we pray that we'll continue to get closer and closer to being able to receive our harness every day.

Our work is not done!

Ranger and I are still raising funds for our mobility harness. My hope is to have it soon so that we can start getting both of us acclimated to it before the Relay for Life. If you would like to make a donation to our harness fund, please use the paypal button on the right-hand side of the page (under the fundraising meter) or you can send a paypal payment directly to kboldry@boldleaddesigns.com - Every dollar helps get us that much closer to our goal!

Jessica and Ranger

Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

MRIs Oh My!

Monday I went for another MRI of my brain (and brain stem) to check for lesions. Since I went alone, Ranger was, of course, unable to go with me. It was one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. Besides being anxious and nervous (of course) about the procedure (not that I havent had them done twice before, but I was still a nervous mess over it!) I was also having attacks of vertigo, ear "ringing" (if you've had it you know its not always 'ringing' but most of the time its more like 'buzzing' - which I've had since I was very very little - who knew!), and loss of grip strength. Let me point out, vertigo while inside an MRI machine, where you're unable to move to (what feels like) a more 'stable' position is a horribly disconcerting sensation! Thankfully, when they had to inject the contrast, I was able to tell the tech that was doing the procedure 'having vertigo...' - and they were kind enough to move the table *slowly*, have someone else on standby to help me up, and take their time getting me back to the changing area to re-dress.

I'm still waiting on the official results.

The worse my symptoms get, the harder and harder it is to deal with every-day things. Carrying my mug last night and having it fall right from my hand. Having to stop mid-way up the stairs because they're starting to tilt on me. The constant, and distracting, ear ringing and migraine - they become more than a distraction - they become frustrating and tiresome. There are so many days when I feel like 'why bother' getting out of bed - when your day starts with an onslaught of sensory overload, you cant comprehend how you'll make it through the next hour without wanting to scream. That's how my day was on Monday. That's how it was Tuesday. That's how its been today.

I have people tell me all the time - why not just *stop* - take a nap. Rest. Take medicine and sleep off the worst of it. I could - but if I do, I'd be in bed most days for most *of* the day. I cant/wont do that. I cant be that person.

How does Ranger help me? First and foremost, he makes it easier for me to stand safely - even if there's nothing to grab for when I start to feel dizzy, he's right there to press against my leg and help steady me. He braces for me when I get up from a chair or off the floor. He lays against me in bed and presses on my back to help ease the constant pain I have no matter what position I'm in.

Ranger also gives me a reason to get out of bed. He has to go out. He has to eat. He has to... the list goes on and on. If I dont do it, who will? It has to get done. He heards me to a chair when I'm being stubborn and ignoring signs of impending attack because I'm "independant" and hate losing any of that.

He not only anticipates my anxiety attacks, but he redirects me during them. He makes me focus on him and, if necessary, will move me out of a stressful situation or crowd.

Ranger makes my flareups, which are quickly becoming less and less tolerable on a daily basis, much more manageable. He keeps me independant and focused on life ahead instead of looking at what I can't do at that very moment. Even when I'm driving or in a strange place, I'm never *alone* because he's with me.

Jessica and Ranger

Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

Operation - Mobility Harness!

As my neurologic condition has gotten worse, so has my gait instability, vertigo and weakness in my arms and legs.  Unfortunately, this means that the mobility harness I've been putting off getting because of cost is something I have to get. 
I have been working with Katrina Boldry at Boldry Service Dog Designs to develop a harness that will allow Ranger to safely and appropriately be of assistance to me for balance, mobility and stability while I try to regain some independence in my daily life.  In addition, it will allow me the opportunity to walk the memorial lap at the Douglas County Relay for Life (June 11-12) in honor of my dad who passed away in November after a long battle with terminal prostate cancer. 

I've contacted several local businesses and, as you can see below, I've already received several donations to help us achieve our goal - but we still need more help!   Any donation, even $5 or $10, would make a huge difference in our ability to get this harness and make an indescribeable difference in my life.  

You may utilize the paypal link below to make a paypal donation to us or you can send a paypal directly to Katrina Boldry at kboldry@boldleaddesigns with our names (Jessica and Ranger) noted on the invoice.

I sincerely thank all who have made contributions towards this and all who have helped spread the word for us.  You can not begin to imagine how much your support means to us.

Picture of the mobility harness on one of Katrina's clients!

If you would like to make a direct donation, you can do so through Paypal.

---

Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

Training at Midwest Food Bank

One of the things that makes up my life is helping with the Arcola Food Pantry.  We distribute food (canned, dry, perishables, etc) to families and individuals in our county.  I'm very proud to say my mom has been the administrator there since we opened our doors in '99.  As part of my volunteer work there, I go with my mom once a month to a food bank about 2 hours away from us to pick up a van-full of free food for us to add to our inventory.  Which, of course, is a HUGE help since we can barely keep our shelves stocked as it is. 

So, part of Ranger's training must include not only being around people, but being in a warehouse with lots of noise, boxes, bells, buzzers, forklifts, and all sorts of other sights/smells/sounds. --- So that was yesterday's training ground.   As we're just getting back into being out in public, yesterday was very stressful on both of us.  That being the case, once we got through the warehouse portion, I took him into the back room for us to do work around a *small* amount of people and large pallates full of boxes.  It helped insulate some from the noises, but he could still hear them.  Slow re-acclimation is our motto.  We're taking things slowly and working our way through re-integrating into social situations.  So the back room was the perfect place to do some obedience training and walking past/around objects and strangers.

Here are some of our pictures...

Ranger and I standing together
in the back room while working around
the palates and boxes

Whoops - Ranger does a great job
steadying me during a vertigo attack!

Ranger and I walking back
to our chairs.  *whew* long day!

So that was our day!  Long but very productive.  Showed us a lot of what we need to work on and what we're still doing well!  Had lots of great things to add to our training log - and the bonus? - tired him out too!

Jessica and Ranger

Lunar K9s Service Dog Team

My "Prom" date

Ranger is often called my "mate."  He is quite bonded to me and dislikes it immensely when he thinks I'm uncomfortable or when, even worse, I'm unattainable!  So, most of the time, he is where I am - whether we're on the porch or across the street taking pictures of the kids before prom.

Here are a few of our "pre-prom" pictures (no, we were not going to prom... these were taken just after we took the other kids' before prom pictures!)



What makes Ranger a Service Dog (SD)...

Lots of people ask me - "What makes Ranger a Service Dog?" and "Why do [ I ] need him"- so those are the question I'm going to address today. 
The ADA rules on Service Dogs are that a dog must be "trained to perform specific tasks which aid and benefit a person with a disability."  These disabilities include both seen (hearing impairments, sight impairment, etc) and unseen (PTSD, mobility, seizures, autism, etc) disabilities.   The ADA guidelines also go on to establish where service dogs are permitted (most anywhere their human partner would be allowed, including restaurants, theaters, stores, etc) and where they are not (sterile rooms such as surgery suites, etc). 

Service dogs can be dogs which are received through specific training programs (for instance Canine Support Teams) or can be owner trained, like Ranger.  As I've been training dogs formally since 1999, and informally even before that, training Ranger myself was a really great decision for us.  It allowed me to work on tasks specific to *my* needs as my medical picture is so varied and I need a dog that is able to assist across multiple diagnoses. 

As an example, Ranger will, on command, come in front of my chair and "brace" on command - his muscles will stiffen up and his body will become rigid - so that I can use him to aid in standing slowly and steadily as I get to my feet.  He will also brace against my body if I'm standing and he feels my weight shift as I become dizzy.  In addition, he can help move me forward as I'm walking if my leg or hip become "frozen" or numb.  He can help pick up dropped items for me, especially when my hands become numb or are locked in a particular position and can not move.  He helps me up and down stairs (which in my parents' old Victorian where I live with my mom is a HUGE advantage) --  Those are some of the physical things Ranger can do for me when I'm having visible symptoms.   Some of the things that are less obvious are some of my most precious tasks.  When I'm laying down in bed on my side, Ranger can press along my spine to help aleviate pressure point pains that happen just from laying.  He will alert me when anyone comes near the house (or my car when we're out together).  He stands perpendicular to me either in front, or behind, and watches people and lets me know if someone is approaching that I don't see/hear so I am not startled into an anxiety attack (which happens often!)  He can sense when a vertigo or anxiety attack are coming on and takes appropriate measure to alert me and heard to either to a chair (in the case of a vertigo attack) or to redirect my attention (in the case of an anxiety/panic attack).  He even knows particular people's names and can go "find" them if I need help (e.g.:  "Where's Nonna" tells him to search the house for my mom and let her know that I need help) or to bark on command to let someone know I need help if he can't leave me (eg: if I've fallen and can't get up even with his help). 

*Most* program-trained dogs are trained for a specific disability.  They might be trained as guide dogs for the blind or deaf.  Possibly as mobility dogs for someone with MS.  Or even as service dogs for people with autism or psychiatric disorders.  For me, I needed a hodge podge of each of those things - and by training Ranger myself, I am able to have a dog who is customized specifically to *my* needs.   We trained to be in compliance with the IAADP's Minimum Training Standards ( http://www.iaadp.org/iaadp-minimum-training-standards-for-public-access.html ) and continue to refresh "old" tasks and train new ones as needs arise. 

As for *why* I need Ranger - that's harder to put into words because my physical limitations are intermittent.  As I said in an earlier post, my clinical symptoms imitate that of relapsing/remitting MS.  This means that during a flare-up, I could have severe symptoms for days or weeks; during a remission there might be nothing for months or years.  The only 'true' pattern is that the flares seem to errupt mostly during times of a lot of stress or fatigue or illness, they last longer each time, and tend to increase in severity.  The chronic silent seizures (which manifest as migraine-like headaches almost every day), vertigo attacks, and perpetual ear ringing, on the other hand, are a daily condition to be treated, but not cured.  Additionally, my anxiety disorder, chronic stress disorder, and PTSD symptoms are, for the most part, ever present and manifest in many different ways.   So, even on a physically 'good' day, when I *look* like a perfectly healthy person on the outside, I'm often struggling through my day on the inside with little-to-no real relief from the chronic symptoms.  Lots of people see me and think 'she's young; what does she have to complain about?"  That's the curse of "invisible" disabilities.   Its also what makes people with these kinds of limitations hesitate about using assistive devices, whether they're canes or service dogs, or braces.  Its really *hard* to accept you need help when people around you don't understand why you need it. 

Its hard work to train, and keep training, your own service dog.  It also takes a lot of effort to *have* a service dog.  You have to get into a new routine of constantly thinking like a 'new mother.'  I have to remember to keep him on a feeding and walking schedule.  Have things on hand when we go out in case he gets sick or to clean up after him before/after we're in a store/restaurant/theater/etc.  Always anticipating what *might* happen and having a plan for it before it does.  Last summer, as many may know, Ranger and I did two stays in the hospital and he stayed with me.  It was a brand new experience for us both and one that we'd never trained for or anticipated - so we trained on the fly and made adjustments.  The nursing staff helped take him out for me when he needed and were great about making sure he had food/water if I couldn't get out of bed to get it.  He did great (even better than I did!!)

With so many difficulties in having a service dog, a lot of people would say, it's just not worth it.  But, for me, after crawling from the bathroom to my bedroom on several occasions because the whole world was spinning around me and I couldnt stand up to walk and after falling multiple times because I lost my balance - the choice for me was clear.  Every day that Ranger and I spend together as a team - and the bond we build - solidifies that choice.  I can deal with the stares and the whispers and the uncomfortable looks.  I can even deal with the challenging questions and glares.  I *choose not* to deal without having his help and support.
Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dogs Team #2