SD Training - Ranger stumbles and I fall down (metaphorically speaking)

Sometimes having a SD makes your life MUCH easier.  When my legs are going numb or when the room is spinning, having him there partnering with me, it helps.  He helps me stand by bracing and standing very still so I can stand and steady myself.  He helps by leaning against me when the vertigo hits and the room spins so that I can steady myself and he'll help navigate me to a chair so I can sit down.  Sometimes he is just there with me through the vertigo so that I dont panic.   Sometimes he helps me move forward when my limbs feel leadened and frozen.  -- Sometimes he makes my life so much easier and independent. 

Other times, we have bad days.  Sometimes having an SD is hard.  Its hard work.  Its frustrating.  Its physically and emotionally exhausting. 

Just under a year ago Ranger was coming along great.  He loved being with me.  He loved working with me.  He was always focused on me.  We were a team. 

After moving back in with my parents, that mutual feeling continued.  We had each other and Jazzy.  We were a pack-o-3.  Life was good.  With Jazzy passing and us spending more time out of our room and with the parents and their dog, our little pack-o-2 meshed into the family and we found ourselves folded into the family pack.  He was playing with my parents' 5-year-old Bichon.  He was getting less focused.  He was walking around more freely wandering further and further away from me to explore the rest of the house.  Little by little the changes happened.  So slowly, in fact, that I didnt really recognize them for what they were and course correct when I should have. 

Then, it happened.  He started displaying signs of having bonded with my dad.  He wanted to be with my dad.  He loves my dad (and the feeling is QUITE mutual).  Of course, this weakened and fractured the bond that I'd spent his whole 18 months building.  He *wanted* to be with my dad.  -- My wonderful dog who I had been able to let lay on the wood landing outside my bedroom door (with the door open) because it was cooler there with no doubt he'd stay right there - got up and wandered not only away from my door, but through the house and downstairs!  The final straw was us coming in one night and me trying to give him a command only to have each of my parents give one simultaneously - and have him listen and go to my dad. 

I was absolutely devistated. 

Of course, lest anyone think my parents were doing something wrong on purpose, they weren't.  They wanted to make him feel at home and part of the family.  They wanted him to feel safe and loved.  They really were doing what they could to make us happy.   It was me.  I fell down.  I relaxed the rules about running and playing in the house and about running up to people to greet them whenever he/they wanted.  Of course, I wanted him to be well socialized.  I wanted him to be comfortable too.  I wanted to make the upheavals tha we'd had less stressful and traumatic.  I was wrong.

So, this week I was staring at a dog who I felt had zero bond left with me.  We were both fractured and broken.  Something had to give.  I was ready to "wash him out" (retire him from SD work) because I couldn't see how this could be fixed.  I refused to make him work if he was unhappy doing it.  I want us to be a team - one that *wants* to work together.  We weren't and I was devistated, frustrated, depressed, and miserable.

Enter trainer friends 1 and 2.   They let me have my breakdown.  They let me fall apart and have the afternoon/evening to cry and convince myself that he'd need to be rehomed (which hurt the worst!) because he'd be miserable (and he would) if he couldnt go with me when I left, etc. -- They let me have my moment.  During the moment, though, Ranger kept nudging me and even laid on my legs and never moved.  It was like he knew I was giving up on us and he was trying to tell me not to.  -- The next morning I was still convinced.  Then TF-1 and I talked.  We talked and talked and talked.  She was convinced this was not hopeless.  Give it 9 months of an intensive training/bonding program.  He's old enough now that he could do it - and we're not starting from scratch on the training - so 9 months is reasonable.  Give it 9 months and he'd be 2-1/2.  Give it 9 months and then reassess.  See if things feel better, more solid.  Nine months of no one else giving him any kind of attention or even eye contact.  Completely ignoring him - everyone - including my family. 

Oh yeah, THAT is the hardest part.  They're all trying so hard (and so far doing well) to not love on him - not make eye contact - act like he isnt even there.

Ranger is trying too.  We had to go out yesterday and make several stops.  He was better than he has been in a long time.  He was more focused (not great by any means, but I'm taking progress for what it is - progress!) - and he was more able and willing to move *with* me.   We're not a team - but that team didnt break down over night and its not going to be rebuilt in a day. 

For now, we're just pushing forward.
Jessica and Ranger
Lunar K9s Service Dogs Team #2